Regards

Nick

At a recent chess-fest and tupaware bonanza I observed two elderly gentlemen playing the great game. At one point in the session one of the gentlemen said to the other, “Are you an International Grandmaster?”. The other misheard him, thinking he’d said, “Are you an international grandfather?”, and so he replied, “I suppose so, my wife was from Naples.”

The first gentlemen then shouted, “You can’t just say that because your wife’s from Naples!”, to which the other replied, “Why not? Where should she have come from?”. He was told, “I don’t know, but that doesn’t prove you are an international chess master - just because your wife happens to be from Naples!” He replied saying, “I didn’t say I was a chess master, I was refering to being a grandfather”…and so it went on. As you can imagine this was very tedious to observe and listen to, and detracted from the excitement of the game, not to mention delaying our selection of the fine tupaware that was available. My wife, our mongrel Manchester Terrier and I momentarily regretted not going to the choc-fest at the Guildhall. However, no lasting damage has been done to our appreciation for the game.

Clearly, at least one of those gentlemen, although well intentioned, was not wearing an adequate ear canal amplification device. Such shoddy dereliction does little for the enjoyment and expansion of the game and is entirely avoidable. May I suggest that with each chess-set that you distribute, you give clear instructions for more mature clients helping them to accept their role in maintaining good chess conduct and reputation. The spectator experience is ultimately the quality measure that may one day allow local tournaments to either flourish or to become diseased and degenerate to pulp matter.

I have recently advised the organisers of my local chess club that the ears of elderly ones be checked on entry to the building. The first roll-out of the ear check, which I dubbed “ear watch”, seemed to me to go quite well. It seems not everybody was in full agreement and, although I am no longer allowed to enter the building, I felt I could still make a contribution to the game by sharing my experience with Chessbaron.

I hope this posting does not interrupt too much the lively exchanges that usually populate this site.

Yours sincerely

Director Ear Watch
Krennet O’Biscuit Barrel